➹BEEPER

[intheblanks]

"It had better be an emergency."
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[intheblanks]

[Eurgh. He squirms at the soggy-yet-ticklish welcome, carrying the dog far enough to release him next to a chair as he sits in it.]

I didn't say quick, I said not long. Pretty sure that puts me right on time.

[And he leans back from the table enough to look under it.]

[dignity_misery]

[Oh. He thought she was joking about the boots. Well. He was wrong. She rolls her eyes before holding her foot out for inspection.]

And there's still a few snowmen left for you.

[intheblanks]

[He didn't think she was joking at all, he was just hoping for something with more of a heel. Still, he doesn't look disapproving as he leans over to take a cookie. And inspects it for a second.]

What's wrong with them?

[dignity_misery]

[More heel would be impractical for navigating icy sidewalks, sir.]

Nothing. Their heads are easy to bite off.

[It's a joke. Probably.]

[intheblanks]

[Well yes, but he wasn't planning on her heading out, 'other people' to tempt with cookies or not.

He experimentally crunches.]

I'm surprised you didn't finish them off first. [Crunchcrunch and with a mouthful of crumbs.] 'S good.

[dignity_misery]

[She is not sharing with him that the neighbors brought the tray of cookies over. She has yet to horrify them with her obscene behaviors, apparently.]

There were some Santa heads.

[Good luck finding one of those left.]

[intheblanks]

[Cookies, puppysitting, somehow Carla has landed herself a 1950s TV family - at least compared to the oddities of the rest of the city.]

Now he deserves it.

[dignity_misery]

No Christmas spirit?

[intheblanks]

Any other day of the year, the hairy old guy would be the one you told your kids to keep away from in the park. Because it's December we decide that the idea of him watching children sleep is adorable.

[Cookie demolished, he leans in but doesn't reach for another, arm resting across the table.]

[dignity_misery]

[She smiles lazily. Christmas has never meant anything to her. A rich brat with no particular interest in her family, it had been just one of many chances for them to fritter their money away at her to no effect. (Perhaps that's a lie, however, her father once purchased her a computer she enjoyed.)]

It's all puerile.

[She'd still kept the card Chase had given her, until the old apartment had been cleared out and left to Lewis. He's gone, and she's got the keys again. It's still empty. She's not sure what she'll do with it.]

[intheblanks]

[As if anyone made the effort to maintain the Christmas myth for Chase. Christmas used to mean something, but that was thanks to the religious orders who were more of a family than his own. Santa's an attempt to hijack whatever meaning there is left.]

It's all-American. [And he looks a little sly.] Not planning to sit on anyone's knee and make wishes this year, then?

[dignity_misery]

[She is being purposefully cruel to herself when she answers, her own expression turned thin and sharp, a heavy-lidded smile.]

I know better than to make wishes, by now.

[intheblanks]

[Cruel to herself, maybe, but the mistake was his.]

Slip of the tongue.

[It's an apology. He takes a second snowman, decapitating it easily and offering the spoils to her.]

I wasn't going to ask you for a gift list, anyway.

[dignity_misery]

[She accepts his apology silently, reaching out for the cookie and eating it herself.]

You're capable of finding something ugly and useless without my guidance.

[intheblanks]

I know a nurse who fits the bill if that's what you're looking for.

[People he'd make that joke to who are currently in the city: possibly 3]

[dignity_misery]

Sounds entertaining.

[She promises not to disembowel said nurse, only to eat her out.]

[intheblanks]

[If she weren't fictional it would be interesting matchmaking, but he'll settle for a moment's amusement.]

I'd have no idea how to wrap her.

[dignity_misery]

Chloroform will help with that.

[Yep yep yep.]

[intheblanks]

Chloroform's just going to wake her with a bitch of a headache, it's not going to make her flat and square. [What. Is this conversation.] I didn't say I'd have a problem knocking her out.

[dignity_misery]

Ball gag. Big roll of cellophane.

[She makes a motion, hand over hand, for wrapping the gift up in plastic.]

Red bow.

[intheblanks]

Asphyxiation.

[He checks the point off on a finger. Just the one point but kind of a biggie.]

Maybe someone less unwilling.

[dignity_misery]

You're taking the fun out of it.

[Which is only a true statement when her mind is bleeding and her heart is screaming. She hasn't been driven into such convulsions recently.]

[intheblanks]

[He butts her foot with his under the table.]

Isn't that supposed to be my job?

[dignity_misery]

[She nods lazily. Peanut is drawn by the movement and comes to nibble on Chase's shoe.]

Professional buzzkill.

[intheblanks]

[He spreads his palms]

Hire me for something else.