But he doesn't know what he expected, really. Something disastrous? And if this is a disaster then it's phrased so sweetly that he's not quite sure how to reply. Slowly, he sets the glass down.]
Did I really only seem interested during curses? [There was the christmas he was at the centre almost every day, but beyond that - maybe he never was as obvious as he thought. He glances down.] I like you. And I... spent a long time trying not to like anyone too much - which was a failure on several counts but... Penny. You're one of the most incredible women I know. And you deserve to get to say this outloud to someone who can say it back.
I thought--sometimes I thought you were interested, but I was afraid I was just seeing what I wanted to see. [She looks down as well, face hot and throat constricting.] It's okay that you can't. You're so sweet, and this must be hard... [She pauses to steady her voice.] You're the only person I've ever wanted to say it to.
[She smiles a little at the offer, but her expression quickly dissolves into the kind of facial twitches and rapid blinking that generally precede a lot of crying.]
You are kind of a jerk, you know. [Is that a laugh or a sob? Probably a bit of both.] You can't go and call someone incredible when she's never been incredible enough, and telling a dead girl that there's still time to fall in love with someone who'll love her back? That's just mean.
[She doesn't mean it. Except she does, kind of, just by virtue of the fact that it's true.]
[She should have fallen for Wilson this way. He'd either have had the good sense to marry her, or let her down in a way that made her feel like she'd just been to a pep rally. Chase hates crying women.
...He hates making women cry. And if he's not heartless, that heart's feeling tugged loose around the seams right now. He keeps her hand, curls his fingers against hers, thumb rubbing lightly across the pulse point at her wrist.]
You can be the sweetest, smartest, most brilliant person in the world - or a regular person who spends every day just trying to be the best of any of those that they can - and no matter how incredible you are, time and chance and circumstance still screw up the things you think you want. Even the things you really deserve. Some people call that fate, or chaos, but no one would put it on you.
But this heart. [He presses the pad of his thumb down lightly.] Still beating?
[She and Wilson are platonic-married. Not that that'd end well, either; Penny had a chat with a future-Wilson who was well on his way to dying.
But, of course, she isn't thinking about Wilson right now. What Chase is saying is in line with her general philosophy that everything can happen to everyone--good or bad, whether or not it's deserved, however hard people try to get what they want (although she holds on to the hope that something good will happen eventually). It's easier to share that philosophy with others than to accept that it applies to her situation, too.
Penny doesn't vocalize any of that since talking will lead to crying, and she'd rather not cry all over Chase.]
It is. [She focuses on their hands rather than on Chase's face.] You did that. I was too afraid to ask for it.
So there's still time. If this door they're trying to set up turns out to work [And he doubts it, they've all seen too many promises of escape.] then you're not leaving unless they let you take that with you.
[She has a great deal of faith in the Anonymous Group. They've been friendlier than the deities, and they seem to have a genuine interest in the well-being of the City's captives. They even keep most of their promises.]
Say the door does work. Where could I go? Not home. That'd be all kinds of awkward.
[The subject shift has delayed any hideous sobbing. Well done.]
If it does, we'll work it out from there. If there's only one door it's going to need to have a few destinations the other side. Not sure everyone wants to wind up in New Jersey.
[he shrugs a moment. Good, no sobbing, no sobbing is good.]
I have some pieces I might be able to pick up. [It's progress, he didn't think that would be possible a year ago - but he's talking to a dead girl: perspective.] But I've got more here than I ever did back home.
But you might not pick them up...? [And then what happens when a world's missing someone who's supposed to be there?] So do I. There're a lot of good friends I wouldn't want to lose track of.
[She smiles a little and rests her free hand on top of his. She still feels like curling up and sobbing, but knowing that Chase considers her a friend in spite of that awkward confession of love will be enough to get her to her apartment before that happens.
(Her feelings might be slightly different if she knew about the engagement to Saya, since Saya was, in part, the catalyst for this.)]
Maybe nothing will and everything'll go on like it has. That doesn't sound too bad.
I don't think I'd complain. Except about everyone else complaining. [Now and then a curse comes along that makes him hate the place, but for the last two years, at least, it's been more like sanctuary.]
This has been the longest anything's been stable in my life since I was fifteen. I reckon there are a few of us who feel like we're getting second chances.
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But he doesn't know what he expected, really. Something disastrous? And if this is a disaster then it's phrased so sweetly that he's not quite sure how to reply. Slowly, he sets the glass down.]
Did I really only seem interested during curses? [There was the christmas he was at the centre almost every day, but beyond that - maybe he never was as obvious as he thought. He glances down.] I like you. And I... spent a long time trying not to like anyone too much - which was a failure on several counts but... Penny. You're one of the most incredible women I know. And you deserve to get to say this outloud to someone who can say it back.
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I thought--sometimes I thought you were interested, but I was afraid I was just seeing what I wanted to see. [She looks down as well, face hot and throat constricting.] It's okay that you can't. You're so sweet, and this must be hard... [She pauses to steady her voice.] You're the only person I've ever wanted to say it to.
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So far. [He offers a hand out across the table.] Hey. I can get Wilson to tell you what a jerk I am next time he's got a free week.
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I can call him right now.
[Penny, he knows what he is, it's largely deliberate.]
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You are kind of a jerk, you know. [Is that a laugh or a sob? Probably a bit of both.] You can't go and call someone incredible when she's never been incredible enough, and telling a dead girl that there's still time to fall in love with someone who'll love her back? That's just mean.
[She doesn't mean it. Except she does, kind of, just by virtue of the fact that it's true.]
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[She should have fallen for Wilson this way. He'd either have had the good sense to marry her, or let her down in a way that made her feel like she'd just been to a pep rally. Chase hates crying women.
...He hates making women cry. And if he's not heartless, that heart's feeling tugged loose around the seams right now. He keeps her hand, curls his fingers against hers, thumb rubbing lightly across the pulse point at her wrist.]
You can be the sweetest, smartest, most brilliant person in the world - or a regular person who spends every day just trying to be the best of any of those that they can - and no matter how incredible you are, time and chance and circumstance still screw up the things you think you want. Even the things you really deserve. Some people call that fate, or chaos, but no one would put it on you.
But this heart. [He presses the pad of his thumb down lightly.] Still beating?
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[She and Wilson are platonic-married. Not that that'd end well, either; Penny had a chat with a future-Wilson who was well on his way to dying.
But, of course, she isn't thinking about Wilson right now. What Chase is saying is in line with her general philosophy that everything can happen to everyone--good or bad, whether or not it's deserved, however hard people try to get what they want (although she holds on to the hope that something good will happen eventually). It's easier to share that philosophy with others than to accept that it applies to her situation, too.
Penny doesn't vocalize any of that since talking will lead to crying, and she'd rather not cry all over Chase.]
It is. [She focuses on their hands rather than on Chase's face.] You did that. I was too afraid to ask for it.
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So there's still time. If this door they're trying to set up turns out to work [And he doubts it, they've all seen too many promises of escape.] then you're not leaving unless they let you take that with you.
[That's what he did it for, in the end.]
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Say the door does work. Where could I go? Not home. That'd be all kinds of awkward.
[The subject shift has delayed any hideous sobbing. Well done.]
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[he shrugs a moment. Good, no sobbing, no sobbing is good.]
Still not sure I do.
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[Right now, his choice would still involve staying here.]
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(Her feelings might be slightly different if she knew about the engagement to Saya, since Saya was, in part, the catalyst for this.)]
Maybe nothing will and everything'll go on like it has. That doesn't sound too bad.
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This has been the longest anything's been stable in my life since I was fifteen. I reckon there are a few of us who feel like we're getting second chances.
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...Can I ask why you need a second chance?