➹BEEPER

[intheblanks]

"It had better be an emergency."
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or steps leading into the sea

[intheblanks]

[He laughs, something oddly wounded.]


Right, god forbid you play a game anyone can win. Someone might actually wind up happy, that way. Less lonely, at least. And then you wouldn't know what to do with yourself.

or steps leading into the sea

[dignity_misery]

Robert.

[She can still count on one hand the number of times she's called for him by name. It's not quite an apology.]

You're a problem, completely separate.

[In and of himself.]

or steps leading into the sea

[intheblanks]

[What does she think he's afraid enough of to keep making these attempts? Of course he's a problem.]

Separate from what? What keeps you awake at night? What makes you want to burn holes in yourself from the inside out? How separate?

[And if she didn't know before.]

or steps leading into the sea

[dignity_misery]

[Her eyes widen, just slightly. She's confused by the way he's answered, that he would really react that much at all. And it's always more and more difficult to answer when he presses. He's a problem because she's fixated, because she cares for him. He's a problem because she's tired of being his disappointment. He's a problem because she's not going to let herself love someone who's already devoted elsewhere again; but she does.]

If I resolved everything, about him and about me. You would still be a problem.

or steps leading into the sea

[intheblanks]

[That's not the answer he needed, just a rephrasing. And since he's said too much by now - as if he'd barely met her, hadn't learned that her preferred method of communication involves as much self-concealment as possible - he may as well clarify.]

Your problems just put you in hospital. How separate am I from that?

or steps leading into the sea

[dignity_misery]

[He's making a point that she wishes he wouldn't, frustration crossing her features unchecked. Her mouth opens to say something, but she shuts it with a grimace. She'd leave him as just a doctor, if she could, and everyone knows that she's tried. Good morning, doctor.]

You know I wouldn't have gone there if I hadn't been carried.

[Which is not an answer.]

or steps leading into the sea

[intheblanks]

[God, all he'd wanted was to hold her until she slept. How the hell it's turned into him standing on the edge of a plank, choking out frustration is beyond him.]

Yeah, dying makes walking difficult. How much did I have to do with that, Carla? Because if that's what knowing me does to you, then fine. I'll do whatever you want. I'll walk away. Right now.

or steps leading into the sea

[dignity_misery]

Don't flatter yourself.

[She wouldn't kill herself over him. She would just torment and denigrate herself. It's an entirely different scale.]

or steps leading into the sea

[intheblanks]

I'm not, I'm trying to figure out how much of an idiot you are. You just keep coming up with surprises.

[He shakes his head and looks down, a hand sliding over his face.]

I'm a problem. Because you like me?

or steps leading into the sea

[dignity_misery]

You're a problem because I like you.

[And she's an idiot. Terrified of him and inexperienced in what it is to like or care for anyone for any reason other than they don't bore her.]

or steps leading into the sea

[intheblanks]

Thank you for finally saying it.

[He's still staring at the ground - at his feet, as he steps forward enough to edge her back along the gangplank.]

or steps leading into the sea

[dignity_misery]

I've said it before, you just weren't listening.

[That was why she had punched him on her wedding day. She moves back uncertainly, doesn't like giving up the ground to him and frowns, hand curling around her forearm in an uncomfortable gesture..]

or steps leading into the sea

[intheblanks]

You also wanted to braid my hair.

[It's a different curse he's thinking of, but he glances up at her anyway. Another step.]

or steps leading into the sea

[dignity_misery]

It was my hair that mattered.

[She'd said it. She'd meant it. You only asked me because you were cursed. But you weren't cursed to want to know. Now she's staring back at him with a furrow.]

It was quieter before you showed up.

[Before he put her on edge and asked her questions she didn't want to answer.]

or steps leading into the sea

[intheblanks]

It's quiet out here. [And it is, around them. Even the waves are quiet against the boat.] If it's noisy in there, try getting some of it out.

[Still encroaching.]

Got questions? Ask me.

or steps leading into the sea

[dignity_misery]

[Well. If he really wants to know,]

Why won't you leave?

or steps leading into the sea

[intheblanks]

You had a chance to make me, you didn't. And I've left before, because you've told me to. I've yet to see how letting you avoiding your problems has been helpful.

[Although that's not all of it, the rest is far simpler.]

I wanted to see you.

or steps leading into the sea

[dignity_misery]

You want to see me when you want to avoid your problems.

[How about that, Chase? And even when she says it, she sounds a little conflicted as to whether or not that bothers her.]

or steps leading into the sea

[intheblanks]

You might be the one person here with no room to lecture me on my avoidance strategies. [But.] I was an arse.

[But.]

That's not what I'm doing now.

or steps leading into the sea

[dignity_misery]

I'm not lecturing.

[She's asking, and she's still waiting for an answer that's an answer.]

or steps leading into the sea

[intheblanks]

I see a lot of people when I want to avoid my problems. I'm not.. proud of it. I don't see most of them much after the next morning.

I see you because... sometimes, and trust me it can be a faint view, sometimes I see someone I think I can understand. And that person's become important to me.

or steps leading into the sea

[dignity_misery]

[Well. There's an answer. She takes a hand to her hair, hesitating there at the top of the plank. She doesn't like the idea of being talked into compliance, but she's also tired of trying to talk him into going.

She turns to head below deck. She's mostly dry from the wind blowing over her, some dampness lingering in her thick hair, but she's still uncomfortably aware of how cold to the touch she is. She heads into the the main quarters, where at least there are some blankets to line between them.]

or steps leading into the sea

[intheblanks]

[He stands for a long minute on his own, out on the strip of wood stretching over the sea, before coming to find her, standing in the doorway.]

You don't know where you stand? Stand still for five minutes instead of continually running away and maybe I'll be able to figure that out.

[He fidgets, looking at his hands before turning his attention to what possessions she has in the cabin to make it anything like her own.]

I'd like to be more than a bad association to you.

or steps leading into the sea

[dignity_misery]

[Fucks sake. She doesn't turn to face him, still pulling at the sheets on the bed.]

I've been perfectly still for years.

[She's thinking she might try a new approach.]

or steps leading into the sea

[intheblanks]

You haven't. And the fact that your body won't keep up has you clawing at it. For gods sake, put the blankets down.

[How he reached the point where he's standing at her shoulder is immaterial. The hands catching her arms, pulling her against him, probably aren't.]