➹BEEPER

[intheblanks]

"It had better be an emergency."
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[intheblanks]

Most people are long over it before they are. In humans- [He can't speak about the endorphin rushes spiders may or may not experience, there isn't enough research - although the tendency for some species to eat their mates suggests it's not a long lasting thing.] It's a rush. Like a high. Chemicals. Hormones. Instinct. When you meet someone you're attracted to your body spends its time telling you you should be with them. Reminding you how great their skin smells. Throwing up pictures of how your kids might look with their eyes.

It's probably just your human side, dropping some hints.

[synanthrope]

I understand hormones and chemicals.

[She tangles their legs together]

I've never felt like this. Like I need all your attention, all the time. This possessive.

[Monogamy etched into her brain in a different way, this is all new]

Do you understand?

[intheblanks]

[He clears his throat.]

You know that poster I put up? Back of the door in my old room?

[synanthrope]

Yes.

[She isn't sure how these things connect.]

[intheblanks]

I might have damaged the paint underneath. With my fist.

[He curls his tighter around Saya's hand.]

I saw you heading into the garage with someone. They didn't come with a car.

[synanthrope]

You were jealous.

[Okay, that, she understands, at least in principle, if not in practice.]

[intheblanks]

You drove me insane. That was before you told me about... [Yeah never mind, not in bed.]

I understand feeling possessive.

[synanthrope]

How do I control it?

[There has to be a trick to it. Humans don't walk around in a daze all the time, do they? How do they function?]

I want to love you. I need it. I don't understand how to control it, though. What if this emotional break does something else to me?

[intheblanks]

You're talking like it's a psychosis. [Working with the way she's caught her legs up in his, he twists and shifts them so he's on top of her.] You have my attention. I'm right here.

[synanthrope]

My brain isn't designed for these emotions-

[But she leans up, she kisses him, she kisses him again]

I don't feel anything, most of the time. When I do, it's all I can do. Feel. It's distracting. Humans can't possibly function this way all the time. You don't. Do you?

[intheblanks]

We feel a hundred things, all at once. Right when we think we've settled on one feeling, something tiny flips a switch and we feel something completely different. We've got circuits stuck in the on position - you never stop feeling, you just switch to a different current.

[He reaches down, brushes a hand back through her hair.]

You're designed for it. You were. You're just really out of practice.

[synanthrope]

You don't see this as a defect in my system.

[She reaches up, so her hands are spread on his chest]

I will always be this way, Robert. I will always have no emotions except for the ones you give me. The only competition you have is my brother. Every emotion I feel is linked to either you, or him.

If someone told me that, I would think that was weakness.

[intheblanks]

Loving anyone is. [He can admit to that, perhaps surprisingly readily. It's always been his biggest vulnerability. Well, one of them.]

I don't... know if anyone's really loved me, before.

[synanthrope]

Well I do.

[She presses her hands up, to cup his face, and there's a measure of tenderness there, something that's usually missing]

And even if I wanted to, I can't stop.

[intheblanks]

[He tilts his head to pres a kiss into the curve of her palm.]

I don't want to make you weak.

[synanthrope]

What you want, it seems, doesn't matter.

Do you still want me?

[She asks with very little sentimentality. It's the typical kind of Saya straightforwardness.]

[intheblanks]

[It's not too dark to see the look she gets in response.]

I always will. [He has a feeling that he always has, even if his earliest memories of her are fragments he's never completely pieced together.] You said you were afraid for me. Why?

[synanthrope]

I can't protect you from everything.

I can't even try.

[Because there are dangers she doesn't understand, or has no control over]

And normally I would just dismiss that. But I can't, with you. It's illogical.

[intheblanks]

[This is a little of what he'd meant in bringing up his fragile human body.]

At some point, you know you'll lose me.

[synanthrope]

I'll hurt you.

Not physically.

[intheblanks]

[He's about to ask how, but pauses, and wonders if maybe he's completely missed the point.]

Is that what's keeping you awake? [He shifts, pulls back just a little.] If there's something we need to talk about–

[synanthrope]

I have never, since I turned, thought about the possibility of emotional pain as something I could dole out.

[She looks up, and she whispers. She is more human than she's ever been, just at this moment]

What if I hurt you?

[intheblanks]

[Is it a curse? It's past midnight. But dismissing this would be to dismiss the look in her eyes and Chase can't do that. He kisses her, fingers crading back through her hair. Kisses her again.]

I love you. What if you do?

[synanthrope]

You trust me with that?

[It's not a curse. It's emotions, finally working their way up from the depths.]

[intheblanks]

I've never made loving you conditional on your trying not to. [Saya. He already has more from you that he expected.] The fact that you are's an unexpected bonus.