➹BEEPER

[intheblanks]

"It had better be an emergency."
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<3

[synanthrope]

[She uses her other hand to brush his cheekbones, the fingers on the hand that he's caught curling inwards. She didn't mean to wake him, but now there's no point in pretending it wasn't intentional.]

Robert, are you working tomorrow?

[Because now she's engaged, now whatever it is that's kept her awake needs to be addressed.]

<3

[intheblanks]

[It feels like a strange question to wake him up with, though as he does wake up, he blinks upwards to meet her eyes rather than rolling to check the clock. There's a quality to the darkness, a quality to the quiet of this part of the night that he recognises by instinct.

It takes him a few seconds to fully process her question, though. Then the slightest shake of his head.]

Three days off.

[synanthrope]

[She stares back at him, and there's something there, although it might be too dark to see. Something akin to fear. It's strange, on her face, because it's only in her eyes and nowhere else.]

So you can take the time to talk to me now.

[I need you, right now.]

[intheblanks]

[He releases her wrist to push his hands up over his face, sweeping away the grit from the corners of his eyes and pulling himself finally fully to the surface. When he looks at her again she's in clearer focus. His arms settle round her waist.]

I can always take the time. What's going on?

[synanthrope]

[She's still for a moment, but then she moves, to press her mouth against his temple. She hovers there, close to his ear]

I'm in love with you, Robert.

[She's said it before, and she's meant it before, but sometimes emotions are complicated things, especially for her. She's used to feeling everything simply, quietly]

And now I'm afraid for you.

[intheblanks]

[No - he knows that too. He's seen her leap buildings when he's been under threat, after all. He's seen her as flustered as she ever gets, forcing him to shower off the smell of danger. He still has those cufflinks.]

I'm not going to go taunting the big bad wolf.

[Just one guess, but he means it to cover the many wolves here. His hands stroke up to her shoulders, soothing.]

It's all right.

[synanthrope]

[She shakes her head, because no, that isn't it, not exactly, not precisely]

The werewolves aren't so stupid, they can't be.

[She nudges the top of her head against his shoulder]

I do not know how to be afraid for someone else. I'm not afraid for Socrates. This is different. What I feel for you, I thought it was similar, but it's not, not at all.

[intheblanks]

[He dips his head just enough to kiss the top of hers.]

If this conversation's going to be about my fragile human body, I could end up with a complex.

[synanthrope]

No.

[She can't express it, not as well as she would like, and it frustrates her]

It's about my feelings. How do I control them? How do you control yours?

[intheblanks]

[She's seen the bottles, back when he kept stocked with a lot more of them. Knows his gym schedule. He doesn't answer immediately, but he does shift to lean up a little more against the pillows.]

Badly. I don't understand - what do you want to control about loving me?

[Perhaps badly is a lie. He hides well the small flutter of panic that she'd like to take it back.]

[synanthrope]

[She tilts her head, reaches for his hands, holds them, tight]

How do you focus on anything else?

[And there's the problem. She can't focus, lately. She's been distracted. Work has been slow, because even unfocused, she's a perfectionist.]

[intheblanks]

Is that what kept you locked away for so long.

[He's used to being a widow to her work for a few days here and there but this time has been longer and he's seen less of a result. He draws her hands up toward him, clasping them against his chest.]

It's called the honeymoon period.

[synanthrope]

We're not married.

[She doesn't mean it meanly. But she's literal, especially when floundering in emotions]

[intheblanks]

Most people are long over it before they are. In humans- [He can't speak about the endorphin rushes spiders may or may not experience, there isn't enough research - although the tendency for some species to eat their mates suggests it's not a long lasting thing.] It's a rush. Like a high. Chemicals. Hormones. Instinct. When you meet someone you're attracted to your body spends its time telling you you should be with them. Reminding you how great their skin smells. Throwing up pictures of how your kids might look with their eyes.

It's probably just your human side, dropping some hints.

[synanthrope]

I understand hormones and chemicals.

[She tangles their legs together]

I've never felt like this. Like I need all your attention, all the time. This possessive.

[Monogamy etched into her brain in a different way, this is all new]

Do you understand?

[intheblanks]

[He clears his throat.]

You know that poster I put up? Back of the door in my old room?

[synanthrope]

Yes.

[She isn't sure how these things connect.]

[intheblanks]

I might have damaged the paint underneath. With my fist.

[He curls his tighter around Saya's hand.]

I saw you heading into the garage with someone. They didn't come with a car.

[synanthrope]

You were jealous.

[Okay, that, she understands, at least in principle, if not in practice.]

[intheblanks]

You drove me insane. That was before you told me about... [Yeah never mind, not in bed.]

I understand feeling possessive.

[synanthrope]

How do I control it?

[There has to be a trick to it. Humans don't walk around in a daze all the time, do they? How do they function?]

I want to love you. I need it. I don't understand how to control it, though. What if this emotional break does something else to me?

[intheblanks]

You're talking like it's a psychosis. [Working with the way she's caught her legs up in his, he twists and shifts them so he's on top of her.] You have my attention. I'm right here.

[synanthrope]

My brain isn't designed for these emotions-

[But she leans up, she kisses him, she kisses him again]

I don't feel anything, most of the time. When I do, it's all I can do. Feel. It's distracting. Humans can't possibly function this way all the time. You don't. Do you?

[intheblanks]

We feel a hundred things, all at once. Right when we think we've settled on one feeling, something tiny flips a switch and we feel something completely different. We've got circuits stuck in the on position - you never stop feeling, you just switch to a different current.

[He reaches down, brushes a hand back through her hair.]

You're designed for it. You were. You're just really out of practice.

[synanthrope]

You don't see this as a defect in my system.

[She reaches up, so her hands are spread on his chest]

I will always be this way, Robert. I will always have no emotions except for the ones you give me. The only competition you have is my brother. Every emotion I feel is linked to either you, or him.

If someone told me that, I would think that was weakness.